H. L. Mencken Quotes
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There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good.
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The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.
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I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.
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Kipling, the grandson of a Methodist preacher, reveals the tin-pot evangelist with increasing clarity as youth and its ribaldries pass away and he falls back upon his fundamentals.
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It is a fact that no man improves much after the age of 60 and after 65, most suffer a really alarming decline. I could give some examples, but at the advice of my publisher will refrain from doing so.
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Poverty is a soft pedal upon the branches of human activity, not excepting the spiritual.
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Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers.
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A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
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We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
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A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.
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There is, it appears, a conspiracy of scientists afoot. Their purpose is to break down religion, propagate immorality, and so reduce mankind to the level of brutes. They are the sworn and sinister agents of Beelzebub, who yearns to conquer the world, and has his eye especially upon Tennessee.]
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When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before.
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What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor
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Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
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One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring.
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The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
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If the American people really tire of democracy and want to make a trial of Fascism, I shall be the last person to object. But if that is their mood, then they had better proceed toward their aim by changing the Constitution and not by forgetting it.
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A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable.
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All government, of course, is against liberty.
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What makes philosophy so tedious is not the profundity of philosophers, but their lack of art; they are like physicians who soughtto cure a slight hyperacidity by prescribing a carload of burned oyster-shells.
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Sin is a dangerous toy in the hands of the virtuous. It should be left to the congenitally sinful, who know when to play with it and when to let it alone.
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The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
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The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
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A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.