Jasper Carrott Quotes

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.

Jasper Carrott

• Driving

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Quotes to Explore

• I take care of my flowers and my cats. And enjoy food. And that's living.

  

  Ursula Andress
  • Life
  • Food
  • Cats

• With so many millions of titles available, the books that will get talked about are the books that make readers talk about them.

  

  M. J. Rose
  • Books
  • Will
  • Talk

• The reality is we talk a lot about it, but we really don't give everyone an opportunity to buy into it, and this combines both the best of Republican and Democratic ideals.

  

  Harold Ford, Jr.
  • Reality
  • Opportunity
  • Best

• I grew up in Cyprus and Egypt, these fantastic places I remember fondly.

  

  Tea Obreht
  • Up
  • Remember
  • Places

• Every debate in Washington is about how much to increase spending - a little or a lot.

  

  Rand Paul
  • Little
  • Debate
  • Washington

• If you're a novelist, as I am in real life, you're usually so desperate for any kind of feedback.

  

  Adam Mansbach
  • Life
  • Real
  • Feedback

• I hope that one day when I'll go back to Pakistan, I will build a university like Harvard.

  

  Malala Yousafzai
  • Hope
  • Day
  • Like

• Wherever there's an all-encompassing 'always,' 'all' or 'never' in your life, it's a sign that your mischievous subconscious is setting you up for failure by consistently leading you back toward these repeat performances.

  

  Karen Salmansohn
  • Life
  • Up
  • You

• They should have a rule: in order to be a sportswriter, you have to have played that sport, at some level; high school, college, junior college, somewhere. Or, you should have had to have been around the game for a long time.

  

  Oscar Robertson
  • Time
  • Long
  • School

• When I was four years old, my mother put me into a school for early music education where you get perfect pitch and harmony and composition.

  

  Yoko Ono
  • Music
  • School
  • Mother

• I hate remakes of TV shows - I didn't like the new Charlie's Angels at all - and I just don't see the point of going back and doing the same thing over again. Baywatch was fun and successful, probably because we didn't know what the heck we were doing.

  

  Pamela Anderson
  • Fun
  • Hate
  • Successful

• God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

  

  H. L. Mencken
  • God
  • Audience
  • Laugh

• As an actor, I'm in such a privileged position because my work is job by job. If something doesn't fit in with family life, there's more flexibility.

  

  Natasha Little
  • Life
  • Work
  • Family

• When you are totally depressed, you should try giggling. Just make yourself laugh. Force yourself to laugh.

  

  Yoko Ono
  • Yourself
  • Try
  • Laugh

• We're about to shoot an episode on Air Force One, for instance, and we're going to take liberties, small liberties, with Air Force One, as we take small liberties with our White House set.

  

  Aaron Sorkin
  • House
  • Small
  • Air

• There is a certain aesthetic pleasure in trying to imagine the unimaginable and failing, if you are a reader.

  

  A. S. Byatt
  • Trying
  • You
  • Aesthetic

• I feel really proud of my work on 'Sullivan & Son.' It's a really different character for me. I was excited to play this really tough, sweet smart, quirky girl because that's who I am at my core, but that's never who I was playing. The show is like my pride and joy.

  

  Valerie Azlynn
  • Work
  • Different
  • Character

• I don't think the woman in French 'Vogue' was an object. She was always a real woman.

  

  Carine Roitfeld
  • Real
  • She
  • Think

• If my subject is alive and is willing to talk to me, I will do it. But I always try to find people who were close, like lovers and family members and work colleagues - because we are what we think we are, but we're also the perception that others have of us. The truth is a sphere. There's always a hidden face.

  

  Edgar Ramirez
  • People
  • Work
  • Family

• I don't understand computers. I've been unable to construct a working mental model of how they do what they do. I can break software by looking at it. I can blow anything up. Without trying. It's sort of like being a dowser. And this extreme elaborate clumsiness on my part is actually something people will pay me for. It's quite wonderful.

  

  Brenda Laurel
  • People
  • Up
  • Trying

• Television is a lot of fun. It's faster-paced. The schedule is really desirable, I guess. But as far as films go, and I've only done a couple; film is like a definitive beginning, middle and end. You know your character's arch.

  

  Eric Dane
  • Done
  • Character
  • Fun

• Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

  

  W. C. Fields
  • People
  • Religious
  • Drinking

• There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.

  

  Jasper Carrott
  • Driving