Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
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Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
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We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.
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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
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(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have 'testiculars'!
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I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
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from a skit about airports You know you're in trouble when at the control tower, there's a note taped to the door that says 'Back in five minutes.'
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Women in bed are kind of like diesel engines. You know, it may take a little bit to get them going, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Men, on the other hand, we're more like...bottle rockets. <makes noise of a bottle rocket launching and then exploding> Ooh. Aah. <snores>
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
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Hell, when I was in high school, a 'drive-by shooting' meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.