Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
-
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
-
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
-
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.
-
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
-
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
-
(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have 'testiculars'!
-
When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
-
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
-
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
-
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
-
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
-
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
-
about a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store cashier with a million dollar bill and asked for change
-
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
-
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
-
I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
-
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
-
from a skit about airports You know you're in trouble when at the control tower, there's a note taped to the door that says 'Back in five minutes.'
-
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
-
Women in bed are kind of like diesel engines. You know, it may take a little bit to get them going, but once you do, they can run a long, long time. Men, on the other hand, we're more like...bottle rockets. <makes noise of a bottle rocket launching and then exploding> Ooh. Aah. <snores>
-
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
-
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
-
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
-
If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.