Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records.
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When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and 'lose that stupid accent you got.' And I'm like, 'Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent.'
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
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Hell, when I was in high school, a 'drive-by shooting' meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
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Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
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If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.
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I love comedy. God has given me this platform.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have 'testiculars'!
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.