Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
-
If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
-
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
-
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
-
If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.
-
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
-
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
-
Hell, when I was in high school, a 'drive-by shooting' meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
-
You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
-
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
-
I know God is real.
-
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
-
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
-
about rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance
-
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
-
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
-
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
-
When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it on his head a few times, he'll learn. You wanna put a penny in the light socket? Try that out. OHH! Hurt like hell, didn't it? Don't do that no more.'
-
A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic - bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta - the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love Jesus'. I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.
-
People always ask me, 'Did you see Larry's latest movie?' I always say, 'No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it.'
-
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
-
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
-
I love comedy. God has given me this platform.
-
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
-
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.