Jenny Eclair Quotes
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I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.
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I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.
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I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
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I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.
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I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.
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I can't tan naturally.
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My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!
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There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.
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Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.
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I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
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I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
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I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.
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A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
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I've never been prudish.
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What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organise everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.
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I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.
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I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.
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People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.
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I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
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The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
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I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.
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If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.
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I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.
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For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.