Jessi Klein Quotes

United States, Writer
August 17, 1975

Jessi Ruth Klein (born August 17, 1975) is an American comedy writer and stand-up comic based out of New York City. Klein has regularly appeared on shows such as The Showbiz Show with David Spade and VH1's Best Week Ever and has performed stand-up on Comedy Central's Premium Blend. She provided commentary for CNN in the debates of the 2004 presidential election. A self-proclaimed "geek", Klein has appeared on the television specials for My Coolest Years: Geeks on VH1 and Rise of the Geeks on E!. Klein also provided the voice of Lucy in the animated pilot for Adult Swim's Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil.

Also known as Comics Writer

It's not that I think weddings - or marriages - are letdowns. It's just that I want to see my wedding as one awesome achievement on a continuum of achievements, all of which were, in their way, just as beautiful and profound for having led me to the current one.

Jessi Klein
The very first time I did standup, I went to an open mike on the Lower East Side at a place that doesn't exist anymore. And it was one of those open mikes that wasn't really just for comedy.

Jessi Klein
- Time
- Comedy

I want to go to Australia and take the same goofy picture of me holding a koala that everyone else takes.

Jessi Klein
- Picture
My 20s were all about feeling desperate. Desperate to find a new boyfriend. Desperate to get the perfect job. Desperate to get rid of this terrible relationship with this bad new boyfriend.

Jessi Klein
- Job
- Bad
- Feeling
I remember the first time I heard a co-worker refer to himself as a foodie. It immediately irritated me. Was he implying that he appreciated food more than other people? That his love of eating was somehow more evolved than mine? Don't all people love the thing we can't live without?

Jessi Klein
- People
- Time
- Live
You know how Bed Bath & Beyond sells those white noise machines that help you sleep? And they usually make ocean noises? I want one that's just David Gergen gently muttering about the economy.

Jessi Klein
- Help
- Sleep
- Ocean
I find it extremely ironic that Bush says that personal opinion should not be a tool in the interpretation of the Constitution, when he's the one who's lobbying for a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. If that doesn't stem from personal opinion, I don't know what does.

Jessi Klein
- Opinion
- Marriage
- Gay
Everyone wants to say they hate lawyers, and yet I've never met a parent who didn't want their kid to be a lawyer.

Jessi Klein
- Hate
- Lawyer

I'm sick of the foodies who need every morsel that goes into their mouth to be a Picasso painting, a Giacometti sculpture, a Proust novel, evoking the world with each crumb.

Jessi Klein
- World
- Painting
- Sick
If I have one wish for my birthday, it is that 35 is the end of desperation and the beginning of acceptance. Part of that is believing that if I'm meant to give birth, I will.

Jessi Klein
- Wish
- Beginning
- Birthday
If I was president, of course I'd want an amendment banning boy bands, but it just wouldn't be right, and I wouldn't do it. Then again... I don't want to paint myself into a corner on this one. Let me think about it.

Jessi Klein
- Boy
I see an insidious problem in the marketing of weddings as 'the happiest day of your life.' The pressure that is placed upon this event to be the alpha and omega of your entire existence makes it, I think, into a kind of nuptial New Year's Eve, and we all know how that usually turns out.

Jessi Klein
- Life
- Marketing
Basically, I was always very interested in comedy, but I was much more sort of academic. And then, after college, loaded with my art history degree, I decided to go work at Comedy Central as a temp.

Jessi Klein
- Work
- Art
- History