Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
Quotes to Explore
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I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.
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In a real sense, people who have read good literature have lived more than people who cannot or will not read. It is not true that we have only one life to live; if we can read, we can live as many more lives and as many kinds of lives as we wish.
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Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too.
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There's been a couple of guys who have gotten me. I used to say Adrian Gonzalez. He's a good lefty hitter; he's hit a few home runs off of me. They were a couple of mistakes, so if you make your pitches, you're more likely to have a better outcome.
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Salaries and wages must reflect the reality of the enterprise's economic performance; deviations from the planned performance should be reflected in pay.
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The first Indy was definitely the one I remember. It's my favorite race I've ever done. It's the most memorable race I've ever done, for sure. Even more than when I won. I just remember everything about it.
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There is evidence that some of al Qaeda's nuclear efforts over the years met with swindles and false leads.
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We expect 'Narcos' will be an enormous success throughout everywhere in the world and maybe out-index in Latin America, given the Brazilian star and Brazilian director and heavy Latin American cast and that we shot the show entirely on location in Colombia.
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At first, I was just trying to sound like DOOM and Eminem, and then I dug out my own voice, I guess.
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To suggest that you can't be both a mother who is completely in love with her babies, and a professional who is tough and tenacious, is ridiculous.
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Since its very inception, Israel has been a threat.
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I've always had an interest in sports across the board.
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I think the way IBM has embraced the open source philosophy has been quite astonishing, but gratifying. I hope they'll do very well with it.
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You can become a winner only if you are willing to walk over the edge.
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There's a high head count on 'Homeland.'
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I like Kelly Rowland, I think that she's great. It's hard to come out of the group of Destiny's Child and still kick some butt.
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Biochemistry is the science of life. All our life processes - walking, talking, moving, feeding - are essentially chemical reactions. So biochemistry is actually the chemistry of life, and it's supremely interesting.
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I didn't get anything published until I was thirty-three, and yet I'd written five novels and six or seven plays. The plays, I should point out, were dreadful.
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When we first met, I was trying to put a band together. I asked around at school for other guys who wanted to play in a band. Someone told me about a juvenile delinquent they knew who played bongos.
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I don't follow any particular periodical anymore. I use Twitter as my customized news feed.
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You can't change the world; you can't fix the whole environment. But you can recycle. You can turn the water off when you're brushing your teeth. You can do small things.
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I think we were colonized by aliens 250,000 years ago, and they genetically altered our DNA to be primates into homo erectus and humans. I'm very interested in how we evolved so suddenly, which obviously ties in with the alien thing.
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Have not fascism in Italy and National Socialism in Germany claimed that they have attained similar results [as in U.S.S.R.]? Have not both been achieved at the price of privation and personal liberty sacrificed for the good of the state?
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I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.
