Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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My mother is extremely interested in everything esoteric.
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I didn't know there was a dying-professor section at the bookstore.
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What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.
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You don't need to wear Spanx if you buy my clothes. The dress, the trousers, the pencil skirt - they should do the work.
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I don't really believe in the auteur theory.
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Thanks to my father, we were always in good horses.
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You think, 'You hired me because I'm a creative artist with a vision. Don't try and knock it out of me.'
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If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.
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And the success of the union movement, historically, has always been to benefit all working men and women - not just people who belong to the union.
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I have a dark sense of humor.
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If you have drive and energy, everything is possible.
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I'm a lyric soprano. I can try to step outside that and do different kind of singing, but it's not something I can sustain over the long haul, and what is good for your voice is good for your career.
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Remain close to government and away from politics. It means deal more with the authorities. And less with individuals.
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Al Qaeda is on the run, partly because the United States is in Afghanistan, pushing on al Qaeda, and working internationally to cut off the flow of funds to al Qaeda. They are having a difficult time. They failed in this endeavor.
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I need to start honing in on projects that I want to devote my time to and not put my energies into the unattainable ones.
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When I'm 80 years old, I don't know what I want to be remembered for.
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Australians were unique due to our corals, our apples, our gum trees and our kangaroos.
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Be honest, be nice, be a flower not a weed.
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The people will come and go. Sometimes they'll be there for you. Sometimes they wont. Some will love you, some will not. This tide was never meant to be still. Step away from time to time. And know that only a heart fixed on the unmoving spot can ride the waves of this ever-changing, ever-fading life.
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Alcoholism isn't a disease. It's a failure of self-image.
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Nobody goes to a movie and watches the script. There is a lot of other stuff going on.
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I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.
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Because cheating is easier when we can justify our behavior, people often cheat in small amounts: We can come up with an excuse for stealing Post-It notes, but it is much more difficult to come up with an excuse for taking $10,000 from petty cash.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
