Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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My mother is extremely interested in everything esoteric.
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I didn't know there was a dying-professor section at the bookstore.
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What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.
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You don't need to wear Spanx if you buy my clothes. The dress, the trousers, the pencil skirt - they should do the work.
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I don't really believe in the auteur theory.
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Thanks to my father, we were always in good horses.
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You think, 'You hired me because I'm a creative artist with a vision. Don't try and knock it out of me.'
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If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.
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And the success of the union movement, historically, has always been to benefit all working men and women - not just people who belong to the union.
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I have a dark sense of humor.
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If you have drive and energy, everything is possible.
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I'm a lyric soprano. I can try to step outside that and do different kind of singing, but it's not something I can sustain over the long haul, and what is good for your voice is good for your career.
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Remain close to government and away from politics. It means deal more with the authorities. And less with individuals.
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Al Qaeda is on the run, partly because the United States is in Afghanistan, pushing on al Qaeda, and working internationally to cut off the flow of funds to al Qaeda. They are having a difficult time. They failed in this endeavor.
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I need to start honing in on projects that I want to devote my time to and not put my energies into the unattainable ones.
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When I'm 80 years old, I don't know what I want to be remembered for.
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Australians were unique due to our corals, our apples, our gum trees and our kangaroos.
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Be honest, be nice, be a flower not a weed.
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I've never held out. I'm a first-class guy in any relationship. The first way of getting better is showing up, so I'm always going to show up and do my part and be ready to go.
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I hate to say stuff like this because everyone dreams about playing The Opry, everyone dreams about playing Gruene Hall, but I've always tried to not concentrate too hard on where I want to go because I know if I put too much stock into it, it would be pretty disappointing if I never got there.
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First, I was Bavarian State Minister of Justice, and after the ministries of justice in the various states were dissolved I became Reich Minister without portfolio.
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I get most of my news from the Jon Stewart Daily Show. It's the most level commentary you can find. You have to laugh, because it's all so true. It's the closest thing to a counterculture.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
