Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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My mother is extremely interested in everything esoteric.
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I didn't know there was a dying-professor section at the bookstore.
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What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.
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You don't need to wear Spanx if you buy my clothes. The dress, the trousers, the pencil skirt - they should do the work.
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I don't really believe in the auteur theory.
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Thanks to my father, we were always in good horses.
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You think, 'You hired me because I'm a creative artist with a vision. Don't try and knock it out of me.'
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If I ever have sex with someone I might be able to develop a sense of humor.
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And the success of the union movement, historically, has always been to benefit all working men and women - not just people who belong to the union.
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I have a dark sense of humor.
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If you have drive and energy, everything is possible.
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I'm a lyric soprano. I can try to step outside that and do different kind of singing, but it's not something I can sustain over the long haul, and what is good for your voice is good for your career.
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Remain close to government and away from politics. It means deal more with the authorities. And less with individuals.
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Al Qaeda is on the run, partly because the United States is in Afghanistan, pushing on al Qaeda, and working internationally to cut off the flow of funds to al Qaeda. They are having a difficult time. They failed in this endeavor.
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I need to start honing in on projects that I want to devote my time to and not put my energies into the unattainable ones.
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When I'm 80 years old, I don't know what I want to be remembered for.
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Australians were unique due to our corals, our apples, our gum trees and our kangaroos.
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Be honest, be nice, be a flower not a weed.
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It's really important to keep sponsoring young people so the audience gets used to them and starts enjoying them. They're the only way your show can keep going, otherwise it's going to burn out in one or two years. Hopefully you're creating your headliners of the future.
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Miranda in Miranda's sight Is old and gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.
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From the moment we wake up each morning to the time we hit the pillow at night, we hear what people have to say, but are we really listening?
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Lying contains the same hostile elements as a practical joke in that the 'victim' ends up looking foolish in his own eyes and laughable in everyone else's.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
