Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.

Jim Gaffigan

• Life
• Everyday
• Jokes
• Curse
• Cursing

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Quotes to Explore

• I don't much care whether rural Anatolians or Istanbul secularists take power. I'm not close to any of them. What I care about is respect for the individual.

  

  Orhan Pamuk
  • Power
  • Respect
  • Care

• I've got a theory that if you give 100% all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.

  

  Larry Bird
  • Time
  • Work
  • End

• I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'.

  

  T. J. Miller
  • People
  • Me
  • Hurt

• My grandfather arrived in Houston in 1942 as a refugee from Nazi Germany. He had lost everything - his profession, his language, his money - but the city welcomed him, as it has hundreds of thousands of immigrants over the years.

  

  Laura Moser
  • Money
  • Lost
  • City

• It was my mother's idea. Her feeling was that I didn't have the intelligence to pick a trade myself.

  

  Vidal Sassoon
  • Mother
  • Feeling
  • Myself

• I will say this: I think 'Big Brother' is the biggest snooze known to mankind.

  

  R. J. Cutler
  • Think
  • Brother
  • Think Big

• Every teenager and everybody around the ages from 10 to 18 has to go through finding out who they are.

  

  Sammi Hanratty
  • Teenager
  • Go
  • Through

• Escapism makes a lot of intuitive sense - whisk people away from their cares with stories of a better life.

  

  Adam Cohen
  • People
  • Life
  • Better

• A liberal to me is one who - and it suits some of the dictionary definitions - is unbeholden to any specific belief or party or group or person, but makes up his or her mind on the basis of the facts and the presentation of those facts at the time. That defines what I am.

  

  Walter Cronkite
  • Party
  • Belief
  • Facts

• It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?'

  

  Ice Cube
  • People
  • Up
  • America

• I learned that when you stand up for what you believe in, you'll get a lot of support. But there are always going to be negative things said about you.

  

  Halima Aden
  • Up
  • Believe
  • Support

• I'm not a gun person by any stretch of the imagination, and it's not something I feel comfortable participating in.

  

  Hailey Gates
  • Imagination
  • Person
  • Gun

• If you eat something and get fat, you should be responsible for it. I think that is the attitude of the great majority of Americans, that you should be responsible for what you eat.

  

  Vic Snyder
  • Great
  • Attitude
  • Fat

• I don't want to set the world up for surprises.

  

  Barry Diller
  • Up
  • World
  • Want

• Movies don't have borders.

  

  Tahar Rahim
  • Movies
  • Borders

• Like its Senate counterpart, H.R. 1908 is the product of years of bipartisan collaboration. And now, by passing S. 1145, the U.S. Senate has a similar opportunity to restore our patent regime to its rightful position of protecting inventors' property rights and spurring innovation. These are values that all Americans should rally behind.

  

  Viet D. Dinh
  • Opportunity
  • Innovation
  • Collaboration

• I love having wine with my meals. And if I splurge, I'm going to splurge big, because if I deny my cravings, it just ends up backfiring on me, you know?

  

  Rachel Nichols
  • Know
  • Ends
  • Deny

• If you want to make change, 'Show me how' can be a stronger, more effective approach than 'Just say no.' That's what I think.

  

  Carl Safina
  • Change
  • Me
  • Stronger

• It's never crowded along the extra mile.

  

  Wayne Dyer
  • Never
  • Crowded
  • Mile

• Last month, 80,000 Americans signed on to new jobs, but 85,000 Americas signed on for Social Security disability checks. Most of these people are not 'disabled' as that term is generally understood. Rather, it's the U.S. economy that's disabled, and thus Obama incentivizes dependency.

  

  Mark Steyn
  • People
  • Economy
  • Security

• I love who I am and I love my life, but if I could be someone else, I'd be Beyonce in two seconds.

  

  Dakota Fanning
  • Life
  • Love
  • Beyonce

• When you step outside of school and have to teach yourself about life, you develop a different relationship to information. I've never been a purely linear thinker. You can see it in my rhymes. My mind is always jumping around, restless, making connections, mixing and matching ideas, rather than marching in a straight line. That's why I'm always stressing focus. My thoughts chase each other from room to room in my head if I let them, so sometimes I have to slow myself down.

  

  Jay-Z
  • Life
  • Different
  • Mind

• There must be no more pictures covered in brown sauce c. 1880, when Munch started to paint series of landscapes in fresh colors

  

  Edvard Munch

• I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Life
  • Everyday
  • Jokes