Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.

Jim Gaffigan

• Life
• Everyday
• Jokes
• Curse
• Cursing

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Quotes to Explore

• I don't much care whether rural Anatolians or Istanbul secularists take power. I'm not close to any of them. What I care about is respect for the individual.

  

  Orhan Pamuk
  • Power
  • Respect
  • Care

• I will say this: I think 'Big Brother' is the biggest snooze known to mankind.

  

  R. J. Cutler
  • Think
  • Brother
  • Think Big

• Every teenager and everybody around the ages from 10 to 18 has to go through finding out who they are.

  

  Sammi Hanratty
  • Teenager
  • Go
  • Through

• Escapism makes a lot of intuitive sense - whisk people away from their cares with stories of a better life.

  

  Adam Cohen
  • People
  • Life
  • Better

• A liberal to me is one who - and it suits some of the dictionary definitions - is unbeholden to any specific belief or party or group or person, but makes up his or her mind on the basis of the facts and the presentation of those facts at the time. That defines what I am.

  

  Walter Cronkite
  • Party
  • Belief
  • Facts

• It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?'

  

  Ice Cube
  • People
  • Up
  • America

• I learned that when you stand up for what you believe in, you'll get a lot of support. But there are always going to be negative things said about you.

  

  Halima Aden
  • Up
  • Believe
  • Support

• If you eat something and get fat, you should be responsible for it. I think that is the attitude of the great majority of Americans, that you should be responsible for what you eat.

  

  Vic Snyder
  • Great
  • Attitude
  • Fat

• I don't want to set the world up for surprises.

  

  Barry Diller
  • Up
  • World
  • Want

• Movies don't have borders.

  

  Tahar Rahim
  • Movies
  • Borders

• Like its Senate counterpart, H.R. 1908 is the product of years of bipartisan collaboration. And now, by passing S. 1145, the U.S. Senate has a similar opportunity to restore our patent regime to its rightful position of protecting inventors' property rights and spurring innovation. These are values that all Americans should rally behind.

  

  Viet D. Dinh
  • Opportunity
  • Innovation
  • Collaboration

• I love having wine with my meals. And if I splurge, I'm going to splurge big, because if I deny my cravings, it just ends up backfiring on me, you know?

  

  Rachel Nichols
  • Know
  • Ends
  • Deny

• If you want to make change, 'Show me how' can be a stronger, more effective approach than 'Just say no.' That's what I think.

  

  Carl Safina
  • Change
  • Me
  • Stronger

• It's never crowded along the extra mile.

  

  Wayne Dyer
  • Never
  • Crowded
  • Mile

• There's always going to be someone with a bigger toy than yours.

  

  Daniel Craig
  • Always
  • Someone
  • Toy

• It was a decent New Year's, but it took a million officers to make it so.

  

  Zane Grey
  • New
  • Year
  • Decent

• 'Getting smart on crime' does not mean reducing sentences or punishments for crimes.

  

  Kamala Harris
  • Mean
  • Smart
  • Crime

• I have a lot of LGBT friends and family members and I've always supported the community, not only as a child but as an adult, and I think it's important to voice that.

  

  Lana Parrilla
  • Important
  • Family
  • Friends

• I had spent years thinking about one thing while I was doing another. I had, in fact, prided myself on being able to do two things at once.

  

  Jane Smiley
  • Thinking

• I won't say that I'm an agnostic, since agnosticism maintains that one cannot know... but I'm not averse to the idea of some intelligence or some organizing force that set up the initial conditions of the universe in such a way that ultimately generated stars, planets and life.

  

  B. F. Skinner
  • Life
  • Up
  • Universe

• Communities and neighborhoods are affected. Idling trains, traffic backups, grade crossing accidents and other safety issues all affect the quality of life in our neighborhoods.

  

  Bill Lipinski
  • Life
  • Quality
  • Safety

• Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred. "Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?" "Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?" "I forge’ the details," Hagrid chortled.

  

  Joanne Rowling
  • Up
  • Remember
  • Door

• I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Life
  • Everyday
  • Jokes