Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

Jim Gaffigan

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• I can see that if this was an album done 10 or 15 years ago we could see we were moving on to some place else.

  

  Wayne Coyne
  • Done
  • Moving
  • Moving On

• I'm just a black hole for stuff. No one should ever hand me anything, because I get so easily distracted. I'll be like, 'Oh, look, something shiny!' I'm glad I never learned how to drive. I would be really dangerous.

  

  Florence Welch Florence and the Machine
  • Learned
  • Dangerous
  • Drive

• I've always liked street lights, and I've always photographed them. I probably have a collection of two to three thousand photographs of them, just around the city, mainly at night.

  

  Harmony Korine
  • Night
  • City
  • Lights

• When I want to understand what is happening today or try to decide what will happen tomorrow, I look back.

  

  Omar Khayyam
  • Today
  • Want
  • Tomorrow

• Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.

  

  Kate Clinton
  • Women
  • Say
  • Lesbian

• Let's just say the genes were there for me to excel athletically.

  

  Zach LaVine
  • Me
  • Say
  • Genes

• It's tempting to engage in anti-gun polemics and hope that popular opinion will dramatically shift, but it is also likely a mistake. The smarter course for those who want stronger federal gun-control laws anytime soon is legislative stewardship and compromise.

  

  Adam Cohen
  • Hope
  • Want
  • Control

• In the case of the cashew, someone, somewhere, a long time ago determined that it had to be roasted. The cashew was once nicknamed the blister nut, because if you try to eat it raw from the tree, your mouth pays the price. The cashew is not a nut, however; it's a seed.

  

  Kate Christensen
  • Time
  • Long
  • Tree

• Our most noted satirists are true columnists, and their opinions can be worth more than any well-documented expose.

  

  Umberto Eco
  • True
  • Opinions
  • Worth

• In the absence of sound oversight, responsible businesses are forced to compete against unscrupulous and underhanded businesses, who are unencumbered by any restrictions on activities that might harm the environment, or take advantage of middle-class families, or threaten to bring down the entire financial system.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Environment
  • Financial
  • Down

• Remember, while the work can sometimes appear to be simple to a viewer, the ability to perform expertly, consistently, precisely, over and over again, under pressure and on demand is what's needed.

  

  Randy West
  • Work
  • Remember
  • Simple

• You have to know why you get up every morning.

  

  Dan Buettner
  • Up
  • Why
  • Know

• In 2009, I edited, under the aegis of the Library of America, an anthology called 'Becoming Americans: Immigrants Tell Their Stories from Jamestown to Today.' It featured immigrants from different backgrounds, from black slaves like Phillis Wheatley to Yiddish-language speakers like Henry Roth.

  

  Ilan Stavans
  • Different
  • America
  • Today

• Ole man trouble. Go find you someone else to pick on. I live my life now you see. Ole man trouble, Please stay away from me, now. Oh I look like I'm down in my luck. Please send faith to help pick me up. I've lived this way so many years. Ole man trouble, Please wash away all my fears.

  

  Otis Redding
  • Life
  • Up
  • Live

• The wind is rising on the sea,The windy white foam-dancers leap;And the sea moans uneasily,And turns to sleep, and cannot sleep.

  

  Arthur Symons
  • Sleep
  • Sea
  • Wind

• Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.

  

  Ambrose Bierce

• Of all the London theatres, the Donmar is the dream.

  

  Charlie Cox
  • Dream

• I haven't got a very sweet tooth, but I love salted things like nuts. I would have to be dragged in by a lorry if I ate as many salted peanuts as I would like to.

  

  Joanna Lumley
  • Sweet

• There are three basic personality factors in cats: The kind who run up when you say hello and rub against you in cheap romance; the kind who run away certain that you mean to ravish them; and the kind who just look back and don't move a muscle. I love all three kinds.

  

  Eve Babitz
  • Personality
  • I Love
  • Muscle

• The ideal is a synthesis of the different cultures that have come to stay in India, that have influenced Indian life, and that, in their turn, have themselves been influenced by the spirit of the soil.

  

  Mahatma Gandhi
  • Life
  • Spirit
  • Different Cultures

• I'll fall.' 'You wont fall.' 'I'll fall. I'll fall and I'll die.' As I said it, I could see it happening. The foot stepping on air, pulling the rest of my body with it, tree limbs breaking as I plummeted down. 'No,' he said, his voice assured, 'You'd never do that to me.

  

  Kamila Shamsie
  • Die
  • Fall
  • Rest

• When I was growing up in Wakefield in the 90s I would get in fights for carrying a guitar around.

  

  Gary Jarman
  • Growing
  • Fighting
  • Guitar

• I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

  

  Jim Gaffigan