Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
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Accord, n. Harmony.
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Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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Amnesty, n. The state’s magnaminity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amok by hamstringing it.
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Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous
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Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.
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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.
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Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet - two clarionets.
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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
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Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think... In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
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The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen.'I did not know that I was a virtue,' she said. 'Why did you not choose Innocence?''Because of her ignorance,' they replied. 'She knows nothing but that she is a virtue.'
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Alone, adj. In bad company.
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Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
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There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.
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Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
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Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.