Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.
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Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
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Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
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Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.
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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
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Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
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Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
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Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
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Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
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Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense
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A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
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Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
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O proud philanthropist, your hope is vainTo get by giving what you lost by gain.
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Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.
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Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.