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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.
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Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker.
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The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.
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In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.
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Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
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'There's no free will,' says the philosopher; 'To hang is most unjust.''There is no free will,' assents the officer; 'We hang because we must.'
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Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.
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Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.
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Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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Hers, pron. His.
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Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
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Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.
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Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half.
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Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven 
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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
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Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
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Once, adj. Enough.
Ambrose Bierce