Ambrose Bierce Quotes
-
Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
-
Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.
-
Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
-
Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
-
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
-
Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
-
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
-
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
-
Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
-
Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
-
Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense
-
The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.
-
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
-
Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.
-
Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.
-
Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
-
Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
-
Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
-
Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.
-
Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
-
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
-
O proud philanthropist, your hope is vainTo get by giving what you lost by gain.
-
Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven 
-
Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.