Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
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Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense
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White, adj. and n. Black.
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Once, adj. Enough.
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Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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'There's no free will,' says the philosopher; 'To hang is most unjust.''There is no free will,' assents the officer; 'We hang because we must.'
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In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.
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Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.
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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.