Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!
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Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
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Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
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Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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Once, adj. Enough.