Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.
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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked 'Unknown,' and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in 'honoring the memory' of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
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'There's no free will,' says the philosopher; 'To hang is most unjust.''There is no free will,' assents the officer; 'We hang because we must.'
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.
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Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.
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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.
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Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.