Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.
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Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked 'Unknown,' and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in 'honoring the memory' of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.
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'There's no free will,' says the philosopher; 'To hang is most unjust.''There is no free will,' assents the officer; 'We hang because we must.'
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.
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In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.
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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.