Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked 'Unknown,' and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in 'honoring the memory' of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.
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Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
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Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.