Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Twice, adv. Once too often.
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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked 'Unknown,' and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in 'honoring the memory' of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.
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Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
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Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.
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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.
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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
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Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.