Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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Advice, n. The smallest current coin.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish evil!
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Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
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Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
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Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Backbite, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
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Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.
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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.