Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
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Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
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Back, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.
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Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.
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White, adj. and n. Black.
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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked 'Unknown,' and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in 'honoring the memory' of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.
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Once, adj. Enough.
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Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
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In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.
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Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
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The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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While you have a future do not live too much in contemplation of your past: unless you are content to walk backward the mirror is a poor guide.
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Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.