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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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Study Herod, madame, study Herod.
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Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
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Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
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Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.
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Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both - as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
Ambrose Bierce