Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
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Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.
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Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen.'I did not know that I was a virtue,' she said. 'Why did you not choose Innocence?''Because of her ignorance,' they replied. 'She knows nothing but that she is a virtue.'
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Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
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Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
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Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both - as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.
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Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Twice, adv. Once too often.
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Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.