Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.
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Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
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Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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The virtues chose Modesty to be their queen.'I did not know that I was a virtue,' she said. 'Why did you not choose Innocence?''Because of her ignorance,' they replied. 'She knows nothing but that she is a virtue.'
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Birth, n. The first and direst of all disasters.
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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
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Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
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Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both - as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.
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Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
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Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career.
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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.
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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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Twice, adv. Once too often.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.