Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.
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A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
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Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
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Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
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Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both - as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.
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Twice, adv. Once too often.
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Backbite, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
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Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
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Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
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Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property of B.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.