-
Bacchus, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Ambrose Bierce -
Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Ambrose Bierce
-
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
Ambrose Bierce -
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men-were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
Ambrose Bierce -
Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce -
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Ambrose Bierce -
Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
Ambrose Bierce -
Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
Ambrose Bierce
-
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves. He is like the lower end of a suspended chain; you can sway him slightly to the right or the left, but remove your hand and he falls into line with the other links.
Ambrose Bierce -
Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen [
Ambrose Bierce -
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Ambrose Bierce -
Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested
Ambrose Bierce -
Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
Ambrose Bierce -
Politeness , n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce
-
Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Ambrose Bierce -
Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce -
Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
Ambrose Bierce -
Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
Ambrose Bierce -
Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
Ambrose Bierce -
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
Ambrose Bierce
-
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
Ambrose Bierce -
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Ambrose Bierce -
If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.
Ambrose Bierce -
Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.
Ambrose Bierce