Jim Gaffigan Quotes
We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I guess we should do this for the old man, too." Father Day's is weird. It's like celebrating Darth Vader's birthday. It's odd I think. Even the gifts we give dads. Like neckties, which are just like a silk noose. Or books. Would you ever want someone from another generation to give you a book?

Quotes to Explore
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My house looks like it was decorated by a 14-year old with a platinum American Express card.
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If you give what can be taken, you are not really giving. Take what you are given, not what you want to be given. Give what cannot be taken.
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When I see a dolphin, I know it's just as smart as I am.
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I want to give my followers a positive message. I want to give those girls a positive message who have been forcefully married, who continue to sacrifice. I want to be an example for those people. That's my aim.
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You can't tag me as a regional actress.
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It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.
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I dig all kinds of competition.
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I was born in New York City. But my family moved when I was still an infant. Except for a year and half when we lived in Youngstown, Ohio, I grew up in small towns in Pennsylvania. I graduated from high school in Farrell, Pennsylvania.
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Any acceleration constitutes progress, Miss Glory. Nature had no understanding of the modern rate of work. From a technical standpoint the whole of childhood is pure nonsense. Simply wasted time. An untenable waste of time.
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All too often, the pitchmen are selling the notion that if you gain 'control' over your financial destiny - pick your own stocks and execute your own trades - it will be the first step on a short road to riches.
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My heart is mysteriously alive in the world of sounds - a totally different dimension from the daily life.
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Every company has two organizational structures: The formal one is written on the charts; the other is the everyday relationship of the men and women in the organization.
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If you don't find time to meditate and get all that negative out, and if you don't have the right people being positive around you, this is a very scary job to have if you don't learn how to control your fear.
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I'm interested in personalities, not political parties.
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Look at market fluctuations as your friend rather than your enemy; profit from folly rather than participate in it.
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For a while, I became an atheist; now that I'm grown up, though, I'm not hard-edged enough to be an atheist. Even though I live with a flaming atheist, I love going to temple. I love all the rituals.
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If the constitution goes, I go.
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My husband believes that he can make a difference. He loves people.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
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When we were shooting 'Oz,' my wife was doing 'Beauty and the Beast' on Broadway, singing and dancing. It was an interesting dichotomy in our house.
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This campaign was special because we always kept the challenger mentality we had from the start. We managed to keep the against-all-odds, can-do spirit that kept us going when no one thought we could win.
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We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I guess we should do this for the old man, too." Father Day's is weird. It's like celebrating Darth Vader's birthday. It's odd I think. Even the gifts we give dads. Like neckties, which are just like a silk noose. Or books. Would you ever want someone from another generation to give you a book?