Jimmy Kimmel Quotes
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The idea that you would not only exercise but that you would enjoy it is very difficult for me to understand. I just hate it.
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Producer Michael Davies - who did 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' - offered me a TV show, but I turned it down. I wasn't negotiating: It just didn't sound like a good idea. Then he offered me another show, and I said, 'No thanks' again. When I heard about 'Win Ben Stein's Money,' I thought, 'OK, that sounds like a good idea.'
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My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.
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When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember until you're on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, 'Oh yeah, I can't say these things anymore. I'm handcuffed.'
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I'm a terrible golfer.
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You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.
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I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.
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If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
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I only get unusual ailments.
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Though it makes me sick to do so without my writers, there are more than a hundred people whose financial well-being depends on our show. It is time to go back to work.
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There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.
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On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.
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I know people who have literally quit their jobs to spend more time with their children, and I go, 'Wow,' my dad used to go to work at 7 o'clock in the morning and he'd come back at 7:30 and we'd kind of see him walk in and then he'd go upstairs and suddenly he'd be in a T-shirt and grumpy. There wasn't much in the way of conversation that went on.
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I describe myself as a human being.
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I'm always looking to the next thing. There are always hurdles, whether it's the White House dinner or hosting charity events or that night's show: Until they're over, I worry, then I move right on to the next thing. It's hard for me to enjoy the moment. I'm just thinking about not failing.
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My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.
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It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
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I started doing a half-hour Sunday night talk show on college radio station KUNV. That excited me more than anything I'd ever done. I went through the Yellow Pages to find people who seemed interesting. I'd goof on these people, but they were so excited to be on the radio that they didn't even notice.
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We're going to give men what they really want to see on TV. Monkeys, midgets, beer drinking and women jumping on trampolines.
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Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.
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The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.
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I never imagined being on television.
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We use puppets because they can get away with more.
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I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.