Joe Rogan Quotes
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Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.
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When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.
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Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
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The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.
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Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.
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I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.
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The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.
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The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.
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We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone.
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When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.
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It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.
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Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.
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But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.
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I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.
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Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.
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Guys don't know they're pussy whipped until it's too late. Until you do something that lets you know, like when you shush your friends: 'Hey, man, remember that time we went to Vegas and...?' 'Dude, shut the fuck up about Vegas! The fuck are you doing?! The window's open, man! She's somewhere in the city!'
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Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.
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That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
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What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt.
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I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.