Joe Rogan Quotes
- All Quotes
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I am not homophobic; I am cock-conscious.
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Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.
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The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.
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I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.
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If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?
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Some people don't believe in aliens. I do believe in aliens. But I believe they gave up on people a long time ago. Wouldn't you? I think there's a few liberal aliens out there, still hangin' in,
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I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.
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Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
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No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.
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Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.
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It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.
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Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.
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The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
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So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.
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I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.
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I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.
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Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven.
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I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.
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Guys don't know they're pussy whipped until it's too late. Until you do something that lets you know, like when you shush your friends: 'Hey, man, remember that time we went to Vegas and...?' 'Dude, shut the fuck up about Vegas! The fuck are you doing?! The window's open, man! She's somewhere in the city!'
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The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.
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My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.
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I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.
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People for the most part can smell lies.
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The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.