John Oliver Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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Clothes are a big part of a free society, I think, and what you wear is so indicative of the political climate you're living in.
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I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man.
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Both sides of the aisle - Republican and Democrat - have been unwilling and afraid to address the deficit, and someone's got to.
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People know more about baseball players' contracts than they do about the policies that govern the fate of our children's lives in twenty years. Think about it. People used to say, the whole time I was growing up, 'Do you want to bring a child into this world?' That's pretty dire.
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Everybody in my band is a lion, and everyone's mastered their own domain... And we have a platform, and we have built it painstakingly and punched ourselves in the face every way we could to get where we are.
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This world was not created piecemeal. Africa was born no later and no earlier than any other geographical area on this globe. Africans, no more and no less than other men, possess all human attributes, talents and deficiencies, virtues and faults.
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I believe it is impossible to be sure of anything.
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I loved 'Monsoon Wedding' and 'Lunchbox' because they had 'real' stories. I wish there are more films made like them.
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I am a Republican because the United States is a republic, and the views we hold represent the foundation our country was built on so many years ago.
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To end the pervasive culture of sexual harassment, it can no longer be the norm that men look the other way. It only ends when men actively participate in ending it.
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The carrying power of a bridge is not the average strength of the pillars, but the strength of the weakest pillar. I have always believed that you do not measure the health of a society by GNP but by the condition of its worst off.
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Only crime and the criminal, it is true, confront us with the perplexity of radical evil; but only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
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Every retailer, when they price their goods, looks at their total cost overall. When they have costs go up, they'll price their products accordingly.
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I like to play what I call a-motional golf. Emotion doesn't grab me that much.
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You never get to pick how you get pinned and how people perceive you.
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I'm very scared sometimes that fashion might attack its own magic by the amount of exposure.
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Among our responsibilities is to make sure that 23 percent of all government contracts go to small businesses. That's about $150 billion annually, from all the government agencies.
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When the doctor told me I had cancer, I was scared.
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What the hell kind of man decides to dress up as a bat and run around the city? There's got to be something a little bit loose in there.
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There are a lot of things we as individuals can't do much about. We can't solve global warming as individuals, or health care problems, but as individuals, most of us can get our kids reading. We can do that.
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Wow.A sylph.I think that's the first confirmed contact ever!" I raised my hand. "Umm,hello? Girl who was kidnapped by said sylph? Anyone want to fill me in on what it is and why it decided to give me an aerial tour of our fine state?
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If Brock Lesnar was here right now, I'd take my boot off and throw it at him, and he'd better polish it up before he brings it back to me. Talking about he's the baddest guy in the UFC? Brock, quit eating so many raw eggs and doing push-ups because it's affecting your realm of reality. Are you kidding me? I'd slap you in your face, and you wouldn't do anything. 'I'm Brock Lesnar. I've got this $5 haircut and a knife tattooed on my chest.' I'll shove it up your face if you get in Chael Sonnen's way.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
