John Oliver Quotes
- All Quotes
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We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.
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There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.
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People are friendlier in New York than London.
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People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.
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You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.
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Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.
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It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
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In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.
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You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'
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I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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For the record if someone did that to me I'd hitch a ride to the International Space Station straight away; of course who am I kidding, they would never let me in, I've got spiders for hands! Internet is mean!
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The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
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I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.