John Oliver Quotes
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When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
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You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
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My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.
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I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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He is truly one of the most revolting humans (minions) I have ever seen. In a way, there is no more fitting spokesman for the Trump administration than an entitled, elitist arsehole who refuses to take responsibility for the messes he makes, and who can somehow pick a fight with the Statue of Liberty.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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As far as I can see, this is a system that has enriched multiple companies and that pays and fires teachers with a cattle birthing formula, confuses children with talking pineapples, and has the same kind of rules regarding transparency as Brad Pitt had for Fight Club.
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People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.
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There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
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I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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John Oliver: You've stated that you believe there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean that there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?Stephen Hawking: Yes. And also a universe where you're funny.
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I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
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I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.
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I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. And I guess I've always liked to channel some kind of personal element to that.
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I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.