- All Quotes
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Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.
John Oliver -
A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
John Oliver
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I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
John Oliver -
People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.
John Oliver -
There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
John Oliver -
You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
John Oliver -
Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
John Oliver -
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
John Oliver
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My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
John Oliver -
I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
John Oliver -
My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.
John Oliver -
I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. And I guess I've always liked to channel some kind of personal element to that.
John Oliver -
It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
John Oliver -
As far as I can see, this is a system that has enriched multiple companies and that pays and fires teachers with a cattle birthing formula, confuses children with talking pineapples, and has the same kind of rules regarding transparency as Brad Pitt had for Fight Club.
John Oliver
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
John Oliver -
John Oliver: You've stated that you believe there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean that there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?Stephen Hawking: Yes. And also a universe where you're funny.
John Oliver -
I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
John Oliver -
For the record if someone did that to me I'd hitch a ride to the International Space Station straight away; of course who am I kidding, they would never let me in, I've got spiders for hands! Internet is mean!
John Oliver -
He is truly one of the most revolting humans (minions) I have ever seen. In a way, there is no more fitting spokesman for the Trump administration than an entitled, elitist arsehole who refuses to take responsibility for the messes he makes, and who can somehow pick a fight with the Statue of Liberty.
John Oliver -
You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'
John Oliver
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Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.
John Oliver -
I would hate to meet myself at 15.
John Oliver -
There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
John Oliver -
Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
John Oliver