John Oliver Quotes
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I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.
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I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.
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We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.
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For the record if someone did that to me I'd hitch a ride to the International Space Station straight away; of course who am I kidding, they would never let me in, I've got spiders for hands! Internet is mean!
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I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
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You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
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There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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Americans just don't understand dry wit.
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Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
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Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper.
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
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You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.
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I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
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People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard.
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Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.
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People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.
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It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
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I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
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My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.
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I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
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I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.