John Oliver Quotes
- All Quotes
-
There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.
-
I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
-
You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'
-
A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
-
I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
-
I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.
-
I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
-
People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
-
There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
-
My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief.
-
Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.
-
I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
-
People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.
-
I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
-
Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
-
There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
-
People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard.
-
My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.
-
You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.
-
I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.
-
I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
-
Americans just don't understand dry wit.
-
People are friendlier in New York than London.
-
I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.