Whitney Cummings Quotes

I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that's never been my experience in a relationship. I think it's much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes.

Whitney Cummings

• Experience
• Interesting
• Relationship

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

Whitney Cummings

• Women
• Comedy
• Always

Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete.

Whitney Cummings

• Women
• Black
• Credit

There was a time in L.A. when I drove to 7-Eleven to go grocery shopping, and I locked my keys in my car, which wasn't insured. My wallet was in there, and I couldn't call AAA, because I only had $7 in my bank account. It was one of those moments where I was like, 'O.K., I literally have nothing right now.

Whitney Cummings

• Time
• Moments
• Nothing

I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and have the most amazing friends. But, I am mostly thankful for Spanx.

Whitney Cummings

• Friends
• Amazing
• Laugh

I guess the verdict is in - I am not a sociopath. It's not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.

Whitney Cummings

• Goals
• Achieve
• Productive

Good evening, America. I'm a woman, and welcome to The Late Late Show.

Whitney Cummings

• America
• Woman
• Show

A true friend will go with the instagram filter that flatters you.

Whitney Cummings

• True
• Instagram
• Flatters

Why do all balls look like they're 150 years old?

Whitney Cummings

• Like
• Years
• Balls

My definition of love is: Being willing to die for someone, that you yourself want to kill.

Whitney Cummings

• Die
• Yourself
• Kill