Tom Lehrer Quotes
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
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Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines...I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirize George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporize them. And that's not funny....OK, well, if I say that, I might get a shock laugh, but it's not really satire.
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Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
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Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!
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I find that people can pass me on the street who've just seen my picture in the paper and they wouldn't recognize me. If they'd seen me on television, the heads turn. They say, "Wait a minute. I don't know who that is, but he's somebody.
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
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Well I wasn't really attacking the religious beliefs in the song 'The Vatican Rag', I was attacking the formality of the rituals of the Catholic church; however, people took it wrongly.
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don't get me started!) without having to worry about God. Or if pi isn't enough, how about fractals? or quantum mechanics?
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All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder. For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan and the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?