Tom Lehrer Quotes
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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The civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it, owing to the nature of the laws, as a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on. But we know what's really involved, dirty books are fun. That's all there is to it. But you can't get up in a court and say that.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder. For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan and the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!
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The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.
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I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one another, the least they can do is SHUT UP.
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.
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Once you've heard the joke, it's not funny anymore, but it's the way it's told. And I think that's the same with the music: The reason some of my songs have lasted longer is there's a lot of stuff packed in there. You want to hear them more than once.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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People are stupider than anybody.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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"Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it." It's always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
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I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
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Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.