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It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
Beatrice Sparks -
I guess this like everything else bad in life, will pass.
Beatrice Sparks
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I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
Beatrice Sparks -
Nobody's talking to me, but nobody's hassling me either. I guess you can't have everything.
Beatrice Sparks -
I've been asleep and I don't know if it's the same day or week or year, but who the hell cares anyway?
Beatrice Sparks -
My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.
Beatrice Sparks -
I only know that I am now a priestess of Satan trying to maintain after a freak-out to test how free everybody was and to take our vows.
Beatrice Sparks -
I feel grown-up. I am no longer in the category with the children, I am one of the adults! And I love it! They have accepted me as an individual, as a personality, as an entity. I belong! I am important! I am somebody!
Beatrice Sparks
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I don’t want to get old. I have this very silly fear, dear friend, that one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young.
Beatrice Sparks -
If people are going to keep a journal, they should do it when they’re little, where all the good things happen, before life starts kicking you in the ass and in the head and every other places.
Beatrice Sparks -
I thought I was unhappy before… I was just a stupid young kid that didn’t know what happiness was. I was like a snot in a candy store who not only wanted all he could eat, but the whole thing. Life is stupid. Stupid. Or at least to this point, mine is.
Beatrice Sparks -
I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.
Beatrice Sparks -
I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
Beatrice Sparks -
The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.
Beatrice Sparks
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I have invested my heart. There is a chance that it will be broken but also a chance at unlimited happiness.
Beatrice Sparks -
Dear precious Diary, I am baptizing you with my tears. I know we have to leave and that one day I will even have to leave my father and mother’s home and go into a home of my own. But ever I will take you with me.
Beatrice Sparks -
This life is beautiful. It’s so goddamned beautiful I can hardly stand it. And I’m a glorious part of it! Everybody else is just taking up space. Goddamned stupid people. I’d like to shove life down all their throats and then maybe they’d understand what it’s all about.
Beatrice Sparks -
I know I was drugged but that is still no excuse. Why do they want to do things like that?
Beatrice Sparks -
I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.
Beatrice Sparks -
I think I'd better take some of Gramps' sleeping pills, I'm never going to be able to sleep without them. In fact I think I'd better take a supply of them. He's got plenty, and I'm sure I'll have a few bad nights at home before I get straightened out. Oh, I hope it's just a few.
Beatrice Sparks
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We get pissed off when someone tells us what to do, but we don't know what to do unless some fat bastard tell us.
Beatrice Sparks -
Judas, boredom is such a drag, drag, drag. Writing might be good therapy for me, though.
Beatrice Sparks -
When I’m with him, everything makes so much sense…when I’m away, it’s so much shit.
Beatrice Sparks -
This morning when I left Mom's parting words were, "Come straight home after school." Wow! Like I'm going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn't sound so bad at that.
Beatrice Sparks