-
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
-
No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
-
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
-
People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
-
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.
-
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
-
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
-
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
-
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
-
Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
-
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
-
Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
-
I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
-
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.