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I don't always have to understand the people I love.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Still as death, and Andrés felt as if it were up to him to make noise so that his sister would know they were still alive.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And even me who did know them. I—I hated being loved by them. But I couldn’t run. I couldn’t. It is useless to run from a storm. So I stayed. I know about storms as well as anyone.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It was as if all the scenes of my life were running through my brain like a pack of dogs running through the streets, dogs running and running, unable to stop even though they were tired.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And why was it that some guys had tears in them and some had no tears at all? Different boys lived by different rules.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Grief was a terrible and beautiful thing.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I was fifteen. I was bored. I was miserable.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The sky was angry and shouting, and it reminded Andrés of how Mando and his father had shouted at each other and had drowned out the sound of love.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I have always felt terrible inside. The reasons for this keep changing.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I hated when Rafael said he hated himself. Sometimes he would say something like that. I just didn’t like hearing that. Why would he want to hate himself? Okay, people don’t really want to hate themselves. I get that. It comes from somewhere deep inside and getting to that place is hard as hell. I get that too. This is my theory: the people who shouldn’t hate themselves, do hate themselves. And the people who should hate themselves, don’t hate themselves. The world is all backwards. See, this is one of the many reasons why God and I are not good friends.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Listen, the road to happiness is a long fucking road trip. You can't take The freeway. Back roads, buddy, that's all you got. Unpaved back roads And bad weather. Storms, baby. Don't expect to get there fast. And don't expect yourself or your car to arrive in mint condition.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Man loneliness was much bigger than boy loneliness.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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If you want to be a writer, you don't want to live in a comfortable place.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Maybe life was just a series of phases—one phase after another after another. Maybe, in a couple of years, I’d be going through the same phase as the eighteen-year-old lifeguards. Not that I really believed in my mom’s phase theory. It didn’t sound like an explanation—it sounded like an excuse. I don’t think my mom got the whole guy thing. I didn’t get the guy thing either. And I was a guy.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I told you that there were only two things you needed to learn in life. You needed to learn how to forgive. And you needed to learn how to be happy.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Talking to myself in my journal qualified as talking to someone my own age.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Maybe the heart did change shape. And not just when it loved. When it was hurt. When it was angry. When it hated. When it remembered. When it yearned. When it mourned.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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My father nodded. Ari, the problem isn't just that Dante's in love with you. The real problem--for you anyway--is that you're in love with him.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Dante and I were cursed with parents who cared. Why couldn't they just leave us alone? What ever happened to parents who were too busy or too selfish or just didn't give a shit about what their sons did?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It's a complex thing when you're writing a novel, because so much of it is conscious and planned and deliberate, and so much of it is not, and it has to be a dance between the conscious and the unconscious. I bring my best instincts to my work. For instance - and I come by this naturally, or I think I do - I am a very good judge of character.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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But you know we’re always going to have to rely on the goodwill of those of you who are straight for our survival. And that’s the damned truth.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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..they were always asking me lots of questions. Questions I didn't want to answer. They wanted to get to know me. Yeah, well, I wasn't interested in being known. I wanted to buy a t-shirt that read: I AM UNKNOWNABLE.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I just drove. I could have driven forever. I don’t know how I managed to find my spot in the desert, but I found it. It was as if I had a compass hidden somewhere inside me. One of the secrets of the universe was that our instincts were sometimes stronger than our minds.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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But love was always something heavy for me. Something I had to carry.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
