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This is the way I see it: if you get to know yourself really well, you might discover that deep down inside you’re just a dirty, disgusting, and selfish piece of shit. What if my heart is all rotted out and corrupted? What about that? What am I suppose to do with that information? Just tell me that.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
You’re such a school teacher.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Maybe life was just a series of phases—one phase after another after another. Maybe, in a couple of years, I’d be going through the same phase as the eighteen-year-old lifeguards. Not that I really believed in my mom’s phase theory. It didn’t sound like an explanation—it sounded like an excuse. I don’t think my mom got the whole guy thing. I didn’t get the guy thing either. And I was a guy.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I guess life hurt everybody. I didn't understand the logic of this thing we called living. Maybe I wasn't supposed to.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
And the hurt was so deep that it was way beyond tears and so their faces were dry.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
She sounded a little angry. I loved her anger and wished I had more of it. Her anger was different than mine or my father’s. Her anger didn’t paralyze her.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
It's a complex thing when you're writing a novel, because so much of it is conscious and planned and deliberate, and so much of it is not, and it has to be a dance between the conscious and the unconscious. I bring my best instincts to my work. For instance - and I come by this naturally, or I think I do - I am a very good judge of character.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
It started to rain and we just sat. Sat and watched the rain in silence.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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His smile was breaking my heart.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
In order to be wildly popular you had to make people believe that you were fun and interesting I just wasn't that much of a con artist.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I think of their anger as a wind. And that wind took them away. From me. And all the others like me.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
The world did have too many words. The sound of the rain was all we needed.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I think I was trying to make my life uncomplicated because everything inside of me was so confusing.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
We stood there for long time. Neither one of us said anything. I felt small and insignificant and inadequate. I hated feeling that way. I was going to stop feeling that way. I was going to stop.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Typically, I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I looked out the window at the black clouds ahead of us. I opened the back window and smelled the rain. You could smell the rain in the desert even before a drop fell. I closed my eyes. I held my hand out and felt the first drop. It was like a kiss. The sky was kissing me. It was a nice thought. It was something Dante would have thought. I felt another drop and then another. A kiss. A kiss. And then another kiss.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I can prove there are madmen—but I can't prove the monster exists. Who was it that whispered the warning? Listen close, the sky is falling.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Because you didn’t need words when you were sitting in the light.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Euphoric memory. That’s what Adam called it. Some of you guys even get high remembering.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Everything was fading, all the lights in the room going out. And the sun, too. It was all so odd, as if the whole world had stepped out, run away from her—left her. Alone. In the dark. God. Everything was as black as Andrés Segovia’s eyes.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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He didn’t say anything. And then I heard him crying. So I just let him cry. There was nothing I could do. Except listen to his pain. I could do that. I could hardly stand it. But I could do that. Just listen to his pain.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
And then I knew that I would have to relearn the meaning of every word I had ever learned. I would have to learn how to translate all those words. Thousands of them. Millions of them. And then I smiled and felt the tears running down my face. Finally I understood. It wasn’t the words that mattered. It was me. I mattered. So now I would have to fight to translate myself back into the world of the living.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
God, his heart could be loud sometimes, loud as if it had its own will, its own logic, its own voice.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Do you think we’ll ever discover all the secrets of the universe?
Benjamin Alire Saenz