Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Bread that must be sliced with an ax is bread that is too nourishing.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.