Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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You're only as good as your last haircut.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.
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I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
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I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.
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Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.
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Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
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Should novels generally be 600 pages? No, they should not. Half of writing, maybe 3/4 of writing, is editing. This seems to be a thing that has not gotten through to them. It’s my impression that you could get rid of half of most of these books. These people are not good enough to be this long, but they’re apparently also not good enough to be shorter.
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Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.
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I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.
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Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.