Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
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I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
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If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.
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Should novels generally be 600 pages? No, they should not. Half of writing, maybe 3/4 of writing, is editing. This seems to be a thing that has not gotten through to them. It’s my impression that you could get rid of half of most of these books. These people are not good enough to be this long, but they’re apparently also not good enough to be shorter.
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Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.
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Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.
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Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
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I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.