Gary Gulman Quotes

United States, Stand-Up Comedian
July 17, 1970

Gary Lewis Gulman is an American stand-up comedian. He was a finalist on the NBC reality-talent show Last Comic Standing . In season 2, he finished in third place behind John Heffron and Alonzo Bodden. In 2005, he released his first CD, Conversations With Inanimate Objects.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Gary Gulman
Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

Gary Gulman
- People
- Meals
- Though

Do you know what Bill Gates has to pull out of an old coat, to feel like I did with a $20 bill? First of all, the idea that Bill Gates has an old coat is preposterous. If he has an old coat, it's the coat Abe Lincoln was shot in and he wears it as a bathrobe - no underwear by the way. He lets his billionaire balls swing willy-nilly beneath the death cloak of the great emancipator. That's your 1%.

Gary Gulman
- Gates
- Swings
- Billionaire
Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Gary Gulman
- Without
- Sugar
- Cookie
If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

Gary Gulman
- Waking
- Sheets
- Under
I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and don't fall directly back to sleep, I'm like, 'I've been up for an hour and a half I could have watched 'Toy Story 3' by now.' In this economy it is a sin not to be watching movies when you have Netflix.

Gary Gulman
- Sleep
- Economy
- Hours
Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.

Gary Gulman
- People
- Attention
- Driving
No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Gary Gulman

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Gary Gulman
- Life
- Over
Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Gary Gulman
- People
- Giving
- Running