Zach Braff Quotes
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A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.
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One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude.
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A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.
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I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff
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You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to get ahead in this town, and you should just accept it.
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Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.
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I don't think that other races are inferior, I just think that there's something special about white people. Sometimes, when I think about all the things white people have accomplished throughout history, I smile, and I nod, and I think to myself, 'Yeah, I'm glad I'm on that team.'
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The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.
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People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?
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If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.
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Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute.
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It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.
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When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band.
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My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.
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I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.
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When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.
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People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.
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I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?
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I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.
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Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.
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Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?
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People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.
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Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
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I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.