Zach Braff Quotes
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Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.
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I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.
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I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.
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Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
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I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?
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Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?
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It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.
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When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was great each time.
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Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.
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I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.
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If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.
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I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.
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The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.
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I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe?
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It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?' That's when I made the call, that's when I decided seven was enough
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It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man.
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I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.
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I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.
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I've always preferred Marvel over DC. I just relate to their characters better. I mean look at Wolverine, at first he was just a bit player in an ensemble cast. Now he's the only reason people read X-Men. Just like me and Scrubs.
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It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
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Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.
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People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
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I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
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When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.