Zach Braff Quotes
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I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.
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I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
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I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?
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You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to get ahead in this town, and you should just accept it.
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It's really hard to find parts that challenge me as an actor these days. At this point in my career, I feel like I can just sleepwalk through most of my roles and still do a better job than 90 percent of the actors out there.
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I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.
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The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?
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I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.
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I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].
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A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.
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I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.
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I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life.
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I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.
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Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping me from all the money that I could be making. I need to eat, too.
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Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
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Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.
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I love signing autographs! Sometimes, when people ask me for one, I keep the photo for myself and frame it. It's a Win-Win situation really; I get an extra 25 dollars in my pocket AND another portrait for my bedroom.
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Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.
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It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
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One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me? I paid two mobsters five million dollars each to throw her off the Stratosphere tower in Las Vegas.
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I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.
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I was inspired by World Vision. It's almost like I sponsored (Donald) Faison and gave him an opportunity to do something with his life. What more would he want than to work with me?
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They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.
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I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.