Alan King Quotes
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Right when I started in show... Milton Berle was my first idol. When I was a kid, I went to see Milton at Lowe's State, and I never laughed so much, and I said, 'That's who I want to be; that's what I want to be.'
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Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As you get older, as you become more sensitive, feel more, it becomes harder to make jokes. You censor yourself.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.