Alan King Quotes
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Right when I started in show... Milton Berle was my first idol. When I was a kid, I went to see Milton at Lowe's State, and I never laughed so much, and I said, 'That's who I want to be; that's what I want to be.'
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Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.
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I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As you get older, as you become more sensitive, feel more, it becomes harder to make jokes. You censor yourself.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.