Andy Rooney Quotes
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
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Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
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The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.
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When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
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I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
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If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.