Andy Rooney Quotes
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
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The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
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You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.
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When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
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I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
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Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.
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Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.