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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
Andy Rooney -
I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
Andy Rooney
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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.
Andy Rooney -
I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.
Andy Rooney -
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
Andy Rooney -
I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
Andy Rooney -
It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
Andy Rooney -
When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
Andy Rooney
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Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.
Andy Rooney -
Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
Andy Rooney -
My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
Andy Rooney -
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney -
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
Andy Rooney
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
Andy Rooney -
Where some people may see loving grandparents, I see a pair of feckless boobs who can't drive, take way too long to shop, and don't even have the most basic grasps on the new technology. As a staunch supporter of the principles of Darwinism, I think that advances in modern medicine are starting to overrule the survival of the fittest, and it's to our [youngers'] detriment.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
Andy Rooney -
Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
Andy Rooney -
Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.
Andy Rooney -
Person-to-person, most people are honest.
Andy Rooney
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.
Andy Rooney -
I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
Andy Rooney -
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
Andy Rooney -
By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
Andy Rooney