Andy Rooney Quotes
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
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I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.
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I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.
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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.