Andy Rooney Quotes
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
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I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.