Andy Rooney Quotes
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We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.