Andy Rooney Quotes
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.