Andy Rooney Quotes
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.