Andy Rooney Quotes
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?