Andy Rooney Quotes
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You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.