Andy Rooney Quotes
-
I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
-
In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
-
I just wish insignificance had more stature.
-
Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
-
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
-
We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
-
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
-
... all of us talk faster than we listen.
-
We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
-
Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
-
I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.
-
Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
-
When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
-
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
-
My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
-
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
-
Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
-
It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
-
We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
-
The last birthday that's any good is 23.
-
Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
-
Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
-
Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
-
Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.