Andy Rooney Quotes
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.