Andy Rooney Quotes
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.