Andy Rooney Quotes
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.
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Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.