Andy Rooney Quotes
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
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The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.