Andy Rooney Quotes
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
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I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.