Andy Rooney Quotes
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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The best thing about a vacation is planning it.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.