Andy Rooney Quotes
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New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
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It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.
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Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.