Andy Rooney Quotes
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Being kind is more important than being right.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
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I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.
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People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get average Americans if you have a draft. And if it's an all-volunteer Army, you get people who join up because of some problem in their own lives. They don't have anything else to do, they don't have a job, or they can't find what they want to do, so they join the Army. And it doesn't produce the best Army.
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Ive had quite a few complaints lately from people who like it when I complain about things. They say I havent complained about anything lately. So tonight, for you complaint fans, I have a complaint.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.