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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
Andy Rooney -
Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
Andy Rooney
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
Andy Rooney -
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney -
Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
Andy Rooney -
We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
Andy Rooney -
Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
Andy Rooney
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
Andy Rooney -
I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
Andy Rooney -
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Andy Rooney -
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
Andy Rooney -
There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
Andy Rooney -
The last birthday that's any good is 23.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
Andy Rooney -
People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
Andy Rooney -
We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
Andy Rooney -
A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
Andy Rooney -
Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
Andy Rooney -
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
Andy Rooney
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney -
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
Andy Rooney -
Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
Andy Rooney -
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Andy Rooney