Andy Rooney Quotes
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
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Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
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Being kind is more important than being right.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
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I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.