Andy Rooney Quotes
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.