Andy Rooney Quotes
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People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
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It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.