Andy Rooney Quotes
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You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
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It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.