Andy Rooney Quotes
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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The best thing about a vacation is planning it.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.