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The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.
Andy Rooney -
Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
Andy Rooney
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
Andy Rooney -
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Andy Rooney -
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney -
The one affectation I have forced on the publisher... are my apostrophe-free ellisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I dont spell 'don't' with an apostrophe. I spell it 'dont'. We all know the word and it seems foolish to put in an extraneous apostrophe. Punctuation marks are devices we use to make the meaning of sentences clear. There is nothing confusing about a word like 'dont' printed without an apostrophe to indicate an omitted letter.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
Andy Rooney
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A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.
Andy Rooney -
I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
Andy Rooney -
Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
Andy Rooney -
Finding the tool is often half the battle.
Andy Rooney -
You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
Andy Rooney -
People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
Andy Rooney
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney -
New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.
Andy Rooney -
It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
Andy Rooney -
President Reagan must be happy over how bad the weather's been this winter, because its the one thing no one's blaming on him. Theres nothing television news likes better than bad weather, and we sure get a lot of it in the United States.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
Andy Rooney
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
Andy Rooney -
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney -
I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney -
Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"
Andy Rooney