Andy Rooney Quotes
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.