Andy Rooney Quotes
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If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.