Andy Rooney Quotes
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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The best thing about a vacation is planning it.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
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Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.