Bill Burr Quotes
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I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
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Against these two [Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton] I would [vote], but I never voted for [Barack Obama]. I always voted third party - the ones who say their gonna jail the bankers.
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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added pressure to perform. 'Cause it's kinda like you're not just humping for yourself. You're humping for your race. You got to represent your people.
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If you're away from your house for a month, by the time you come back there's someone else living in it.
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When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It's always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
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It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.
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You wanna know how you know you're informed as a protestor? They don't show your interview on TV.
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Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
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It’s been a dream to work with Netflix because they don’t have any pressure from advertisers.
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.
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I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.
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If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that's good for me; I'm good.
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You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren't scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards - just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can't see your house, and not have a full on panic attack.
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I liked Jimmy Snuka, Tony Garea, Larry Zbyszko, Bob Backlund, Bruno Sammartino, Chief Strongbow, SD Jones (even though they never let him win), Captain Lou, Ted DiBiase...Uh...I'm forgetting some people...Greg Valentine. Chris Rock and Ric Flair are the best. Ric Flair is the king.
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For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
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I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
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I cannot believe that Donald Trump is actually in the debates.
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Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It's not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it's a pile of rocks next to a highway. There's actually a highway right next to it, but you don't see that in pictures.
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I do enjoy them. I get to meet the next generation of comics and help them out. Big comics doing small shows was something that used to happen a lot more back in the day. I wish there was more of that.
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I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
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Business runs hot and cold so the more you're in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.
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When I watch 'Breaking Bad,' my stomach is in knots.
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Actually they Netflix were telling us to push it further and I've never gotten a nod like that from anybody in the industry, so it's been awesome to work with them. I'm very happy where we're at.