Bill Burr Quotes
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Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"
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I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned how to combat depression. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it's a choice. You're in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke - or if you're on the road, go to a ball game... something that's going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
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I don't mind it. I just space it out. Every other week I go out. I used to get some time to myself but I've been pretty busy lately. But I've had it the other way, where I'm staring at the phone waiting for it to ring, so this is definitely better.
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Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
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I am so pro-swine flu... I want it. We need a plague. It's got to happen; don't be afraid. It's only going to kill the weak.
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I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
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I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.
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Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn't work out. But maybe because it didn't work out, that's why I ended up on 'Breaking Bad;' I don't know.
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Ric Flair was so big I heard about him. I've read his autobiography and all that. He's huge.
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I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I'd like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don't have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I'm shooting for the middle.
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I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
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You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
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I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.
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I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.
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I mean, stand up you're by yourself and it's live and when you're acting, unless you're doing a monologue, you're interacting with somebody else. Even if you're doing a monologue you're saying it to somebody and it's not live so you can do it a few times.
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I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.
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I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.
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I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
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It's a blue-collar city Manchester that's transitioning into a white collar place and people are getting priced out.
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I've battled with that type of stuff, but what I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it.
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I loved the English countryside. I went to John Bonham's grave.
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What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?