Bill Burr Quotes
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What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
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I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.
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I loved the English countryside. I went to John Bonham's grave.
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I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.
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London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over. Some of the most beautiful cars I've ever seen - with the worst paint jobs! It was just this hilarious, disgusting display of wealth. The shamelessness of it. To be that shameless about your money when you're a guest in a country was astounding to me. But I saw the humor in it.
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So many people there are in politics that they're overly cautious about laughing at stuff. They're so damned concerned about what everyone else is thinking. What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
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I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
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The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian.
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.
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I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.
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I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary Clintom was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm sick of 'em! Even Jeb Bush was hanging in there for a minute.
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The whole city [Manchester] just a real rock music vibe. It reminded me a lot of where I'm from.
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Turn inward and say to yourself "I'm just gonna do it". That mindset got me to where I am now. I look at the industry like it's a giant mall, and I have a little store - this what I'm selling: I do stand-up, I've got a podcast, and occasionally I act.
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I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
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A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.
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People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you're a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is "looking for". Just say what you think is funny. .
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And Donald Trump? That man literally has people shouting the n word at his rallies and he doesn't address it, which is astounding to me. He's a terrible person.
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I think it's a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show.
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It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.
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It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.
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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added pressure to perform. 'Cause it's kinda like you're not just humping for yourself. You're humping for your race. You got to represent your people.
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I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
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I've been bumped, I've had to go up after them, I've had stuff thrown at me, I've been booed. I've had people steal from me and lie to me.