Margaret Cho Quotes
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The only thing that was sort of Asian as a role model was Hello Kitty. I don't want to model myself after Hello Kitty. She has no mouth.
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on having a gay child And the Three Wise Drag Queens would come, bearing gifts of 1000-thread-count sheets, hair products by Frédéric Fekkai, and a copy of the Immaculate Collection.
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I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, if Richard Pryor had a period, he would talk about it.
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The first thing that you lose on a diet is brain mass.
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I get nervous when people say to me, 'I just can't tell any of you Asians apart!' Um, why do you have to tell us apart? Are we gonna be separated for some reason? I can't tell us apart! I was not born with a chip in my neck that would automatically identify every Asiatic person that I would come across. 'beebeebeebeebeep Filipino.'
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I was skiing in Deer Valley and there's no people of color up there, and I'm up there, skiing, trying to fit in like an asshole, and I have an instructor and he goes, 'Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but you have a tendency to bow into your skis.' Fuck you! And then I fell.
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The best part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld with his white hair, and the big glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he's some kind of Spanish lady or something. And I look at the fan and I'm like, 'Bitch, it's not that hot, what'choo doin'?'
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I love the word 'faggot,' because it describes my kind of guy! You see, I am a fag hag. Fag hags are the backbone of the gay community. Without us, you're nothing! We have been there all through history guiding your sorry ass through the underground railroad! We went to the prom with you!
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Body dysmorphia has got to go.Its similar to a disease called 'crazy eyes' not the way others look at you, but the way you see yourself. The insanity which we use as our vision....
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If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, 'Are you a unicorn?'
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So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jägermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. 'You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink.'
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on Arnold Schwarzenegger That motherfucker be ORANGE. ...I am not against people of color, but that is a fucked-up color. I think that him and Donatella Versace, they gonna start a whole new race of Oompa-Loompa.
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It is a good life, if I watch myself. Kind of like when I used to diet, but now instead of limiting calories, I will not allow negative self-talk. I cut out insults like I cut out carbs and it is hard as hell because I crave self-abuse like hot, fresh sourdough bread, but you know you have to be nice to you if you are going to live together.
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Lesbians love whale watching! They fuckin love it! THEY LOVE IT MORE THAN PUSSY! It's any sea mammal really. Whales, manatees, dolphins. They go crazy for the dolphins. I don't know what it is- I think it's the blowhole.
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I would rather have a gay child. If you have a gay son, you know he's not gonna be shooting up his high school. That would get in the way of yearbook.
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Like when Jay Leno made jokes about Koreans eating dog, but the hidden messages, our invisibility, is more harmful to us than any of those fools on 'board'.
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We were taping the episodes of the show. I guess they had decided they could now fit my face onto a TV screen, and they wouldn't have to letterbox it.
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Thank God for gay men. Thank God for gay men, because if it were not for gay men, I would not talk to men at all.
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I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I'm gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker comes up and takes my place!
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Why do they think 'fat dyke' is an insult? To me that means, 'I'm-a eat fried chicken and pussy.'
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My mom used to give me messages like this: 'Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!' 'Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.''
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And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, 'Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?' Actually weighing the pros and the cons. 'Well, it'll be warm for a minute...it's a big bed, I'll just roll over...I'll just blame it on that guy!'
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I can't even look at those 'women's magazines' anyway. I love fashion, but I look at the pictures of the skinny models, and they're wearing clothes I can't even fit on my fingers. And I look at that and I think, if that is what a woman is supposed to look like, then I must not be one.
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If you are not a feminist, you do not deserve to live. Do you think you grew out of the ground?