Margaret Cho Quotes
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If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, 'Are you a unicorn?'
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It is a good life, if I watch myself. Kind of like when I used to diet, but now instead of limiting calories, I will not allow negative self-talk. I cut out insults like I cut out carbs and it is hard as hell because I crave self-abuse like hot, fresh sourdough bread, but you know you have to be nice to you if you are going to live together.
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So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jägermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. 'You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink.'
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Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context.
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If you're against same sex marriage but you laugh your ass off to Will & Grace, FUCK YOU holds up middle finger. You are a hypocrite pointing, and you're not allowed to pick and choose what you like from our culture, and leave behind the burden of inequality.
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My gay child would be a soldier, and he would change the slogan from 'Don't ask, don't tell' to 'Don't fuck with me, queen!!'
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Monogamy is so weird. Like when you know their name and stuff.
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My attitude towards peace does not depend on which war we are discussing. I think that words should do the work of bombs
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My mom used to give me messages like this: 'Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!' 'Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.''
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I got back from Toronto, where they had a severe outbreak of SARS- you know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome.
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I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded.
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Because I wasn't Asian enough- they decided to hire an Asian Consultant. Because I was fucking it up as an Asian. She would follow me around: 'Margaret! Use chopsticks! And when you're done eating, you can put them in your hair. Now you're wearing shoes, which is something we don't do in the house. Now I'm just going to leave this abacus right here...'
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I was on the floor in the emergency room, and the woman came up to me and said 'Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm here to wash your vagina!'
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If you are not a feminist, you do not deserve to live. Do you think you grew out of the ground?
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Why am I political? Because society's consistent and constant disregard and lack of respect for minorities, even the title minority, is too much to bear silently. Their insistence at our invisibility, whether subtle as noninclusion, or as loud and violent as hate crimes, is contagious, and can make me hide from myself.
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So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. 'Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!' We all got on the same cycle.
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The first thing that you lose on a diet is brain mass.
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I am not gonna die because some network executive thought I was fat! It's so wrong! It's so wrong that women are asked to live up to this skinny ideal that is totally unattainable. For me to be ten pounds thinner is a full-time job, and I am handing in my notice and walking out the door!!
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San Francisco fucking rules. I am so proud of my home town for legalizing gay marriage, sending gays and lesbians down to the city by the Bay that was built on rock and roll to tie the knot.
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I get nervous when people say to me, 'I just can't tell any of you Asians apart!' Um, why do you have to tell us apart? Are we gonna be separated for some reason? I can't tell us apart! I was not born with a chip in my neck that would automatically identify every Asiatic person that I would come across. 'beebeebeebeebeep Filipino.'
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About Christian Groups They have no rights to call themselves 'Christians', because they have no Christianity to them; they have no kindness, no compassion, no charity. I want Jesus to come back and say: 'THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!'
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I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic in Santa Monica, because people in Los Angeles cannot do anything for themselves, much less take a shit.
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Why do they think 'fat dyke' is an insult? To me that means, 'I'm-a eat fried chicken and pussy.'
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I would be happy to have a gay child. He would be a Boy Scout, and he would teach all the other Boy Scouts how to build a fire with two sticks and a back-handed compliment.