Margaret Cho Quotes
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I think everyone should go on my diet. It's called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is, is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say 'Fuck it' and I eat it. You have to do it 6 times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.
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If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, 'Are you a unicorn?'
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My attitude towards peace does not depend on which war we are discussing. I think that words should do the work of bombs
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My mom used to give me messages like this: 'Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!' 'Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.''
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Why am I political? Because society's consistent and constant disregard and lack of respect for minorities, even the title minority, is too much to bear silently. Their insistence at our invisibility, whether subtle as noninclusion, or as loud and violent as hate crimes, is contagious, and can make me hide from myself.
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Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. A matter of taste, a whim, an eye, a beholder, an opinion, a spin, light crossing the frame, paint, projection. The moment. Context.
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Monogamy is so weird. Like when you know their name and stuff.
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I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic in Santa Monica, because people in Los Angeles cannot do anything for themselves, much less take a shit.
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My gay child would be a soldier, and he would change the slogan from 'Don't ask, don't tell' to 'Don't fuck with me, queen!!'
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If you are not a feminist, you do not deserve to live. Do you think you grew out of the ground?
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It is a good life, if I watch myself. Kind of like when I used to diet, but now instead of limiting calories, I will not allow negative self-talk. I cut out insults like I cut out carbs and it is hard as hell because I crave self-abuse like hot, fresh sourdough bread, but you know you have to be nice to you if you are going to live together.
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About Christian Groups They have no rights to call themselves 'Christians', because they have no Christianity to them; they have no kindness, no compassion, no charity. I want Jesus to come back and say: 'THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!'
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So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jägermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. 'You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink.'
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I hate Sarah Palin, I would never vote for her, I hate her politics, but I kinda wanna fuck her. I know, it's unholy, it's so wrong. I want to eat her pussy from behind. Eskimo-style. No, you know I wouldn't eat that thing. 'Cause you know it's frozen. My tongue would stick...
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on having a gay child And the Three Wise Drag Queens would come, bearing gifts of 1000-thread-count sheets, hair products by Frédéric Fekkai, and a copy of the Immaculate Collection.
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I was on the floor in the emergency room, and the woman came up to me and said 'Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm here to wash your vagina!'
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If you're against same sex marriage but you laugh your ass off to Will & Grace, FUCK YOU holds up middle finger. You are a hypocrite pointing, and you're not allowed to pick and choose what you like from our culture, and leave behind the burden of inequality.
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So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. 'Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!' We all got on the same cycle.
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I get nervous when people say to me, 'I just can't tell any of you Asians apart!' Um, why do you have to tell us apart? Are we gonna be separated for some reason? I can't tell us apart! I was not born with a chip in my neck that would automatically identify every Asiatic person that I would come across. 'beebeebeebeebeep Filipino.'
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We were taping the episodes of the show. I guess they had decided they could now fit my face onto a TV screen, and they wouldn't have to letterbox it.
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I would be happy to have a gay child. He would be a Boy Scout, and he would teach all the other Boy Scouts how to build a fire with two sticks and a back-handed compliment.
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I can't even look at those 'women's magazines' anyway. I love fashion, but I look at the pictures of the skinny models, and they're wearing clothes I can't even fit on my fingers. And I look at that and I think, if that is what a woman is supposed to look like, then I must not be one.
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I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded.
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I was in the airport and there were these big snowboarder guys and they had white masks around their necks, and as soon as they saw me, they put their masks on. So I just went, '*cough, cough, cough* You wanna egg rorr?'