Margaret Cho Quotes
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Jo from The Facts of Life was such a lesbian. Wasn't she the biggest lesbian? I used to watch that show, like, 'Oh, she gonna fuck Blair!'
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I was working on this movie and the makeup artist was just so ugly! I just wanted to say 'Physician, heal thyself!' She looked exactly like Aaron Neville, and she was trying her hardest to make me look exactly like Aaron Neville. This one time, she leaned into my face with the mascara wand almost touching my eye and she says, 'Whass my name?'
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The Chippendale's dancers are gay. They're gay. Because there is no such thing as a straight man with visible abdominal muscles. You have to suck cock to get that kind of muscle definition. It doesn't work for women. You know, I tried, OK?
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They need to read the Scriptures; where it says in Matthew, chapter 4, verse 17, it says: 'Shut the fuck up.' That's the King James version, by the way.
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If racial minorities, sexual minorities, feminists both male and female, hell, all liberals got together and had this big 'too much information,' 'go there,' voice...that would equal power. And that power would equal change. And that change would equal a revolution.
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The Pope talks so much shit. The Pope was castigating the media for making gays look normal. YEAH, you're a real GOOD judge of normal, with your gold dress and your matching gold hat, living it up in the Vatican with 500 men surrounded by the finest antiques in the world! Queen, please! You live like Versace did!
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I stood in front of a hundred and one critics at a critic's convention and a critic asked me, 'Miss Cho, isn't it true that your management asked you to lose weight to play the part of yourself in your own TV show?' Gail the producer grabbed the mike from me and said, 'There is no truth in that whatsoever.' I...was so...hungry.
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I love my gay male friends, but when I was a little girl, I always used to wish that I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys, and I am, and I should have been more specific.
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What is needed now is action, not hopelessness
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I see evidence of my own racist brainwashing when exploring the landscape of current foreign policy. (about North Korea)
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And especially, especially, don't fuck with vegans. Do not look vegans in the eye. If you get into an argument with a vegan, say 'I'm wrong' and run away as fast as you can. Do not fuck with vegans because they will fuck you up...BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY.
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I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. 'Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad...' And he gets to me and he's like, '...chicken salad!' What does he think I'm gonna do? 'Dis is not de salad of my people! In my homeland, dey use mandarin orange slices...and crispy wonton crunches!'
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The only thing that was sort of Asian as a role model was Hello Kitty. I don't want to model myself after Hello Kitty. She has no mouth.
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Something traumatic happened to me when I was younger. I was with this old black woman, and she was very wise, very Alice Walker, The Color Purple...she looked at me and she says, 'Baby...you know I used to be able to fly but I can't fly no more, baby. But baby, you...? You too fat to fly.'
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Talking to John Kerry is like talking to an Ent. You know, the tree people from Lord of the Rings...imitating an Ent I believe that all Americans should have affordable healthcare...
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There's a bar in Edinburgh called 'CC Bloom's.' CC Bloom is the name of the character that Bette Midler played in Beaches. That is the gayest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. That place should just be called 'Fuck-Me-In-The-Ass Bar and Grill.'
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'I do not need nobody tellin' me who I am! I know who I am!...I be walkin' down the hallway, they call me names. They call me faggot, they call me sissy, I say, 'Oh yeah? Well, you forgot, I'm also a model and a actress, so fuck you too!''
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I was skiing in Deer Valley and there's no people of color up there, and I'm up there, skiing, trying to fit in like an asshole, and I have an instructor and he goes, 'Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but you have a tendency to bow into your skis.' Fuck you! And then I fell.
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Women and eating disorders have such a long history, but now I see it happening to gay men. And when it comes to anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphia, gay men are far worse than women. They take it way more seriously. 'Why diet when you can take crystal meth?'
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I think everyone should go on my diet. It's called the Fuck It Diet. Basically what it is, is if I want to eat something but it has a lot of fat or carbs, I just take a moment, and I go within, and I say 'Fuck it' and I eat it. You have to do it 6 times a day. It works really well with the Fuck That Shit Exercise Program.
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I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, 'Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?' And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?
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I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and the part where Jesus carries the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, 'Wow! That must be a really good workout! Yeah, because you're doing arms and cardio!'
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And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, 'Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?' Actually weighing the pros and the cons. 'Well, it'll be warm for a minute...it's a big bed, I'll just roll over...I'll just blame it on that guy!'
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on Arnold Schwarzenegger That motherfucker be ORANGE. ...I am not against people of color, but that is a fucked-up color. I think that him and Donatella Versace, they gonna start a whole new race of Oompa-Loompa.