Margaret Cho Quotes
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If you're against same sex marriage but you laugh your ass off to Will & Grace, FUCK YOU holds up middle finger. You are a hypocrite pointing, and you're not allowed to pick and choose what you like from our culture, and leave behind the burden of inequality.
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San Francisco fucking rules. I am so proud of my home town for legalizing gay marriage, sending gays and lesbians down to the city by the Bay that was built on rock and roll to tie the knot.
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I am not gonna die because some network executive thought I was fat! It's so wrong! It's so wrong that women are asked to live up to this skinny ideal that is totally unattainable. For me to be ten pounds thinner is a full-time job, and I am handing in my notice and walking out the door!!
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The best part of any fashion show is Karl Lagerfeld with his white hair, and the big glasses, and a fuckin' fan. Like he's some kind of Spanish lady or something. And I look at the fan and I'm like, 'Bitch, it's not that hot, what'choo doin'?'
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So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. 'Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!' We all got on the same cycle.
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I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded.
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I can't even look at those 'women's magazines' anyway. I love fashion, but I look at the pictures of the skinny models, and they're wearing clothes I can't even fit on my fingers. And I look at that and I think, if that is what a woman is supposed to look like, then I must not be one.
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Because I wasn't Asian enough- they decided to hire an Asian Consultant. Because I was fucking it up as an Asian. She would follow me around: 'Margaret! Use chopsticks! And when you're done eating, you can put them in your hair. Now you're wearing shoes, which is something we don't do in the house. Now I'm just going to leave this abacus right here...'
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Body dysmorphia has got to go.Its similar to a disease called 'crazy eyes' not the way others look at you, but the way you see yourself. The insanity which we use as our vision....
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I would be happy to have a gay child. He would be a Boy Scout, and he would teach all the other Boy Scouts how to build a fire with two sticks and a back-handed compliment.
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We were taping the episodes of the show. I guess they had decided they could now fit my face onto a TV screen, and they wouldn't have to letterbox it.
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No matter what these terrorists do, I refuse to be terrorized. All this requires is just a few alterations in our day to day lives. For example, my first instinct when I receive an envelope full of white powder...is to snort it! I just won't do that this time!
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It's just that it's been my experience in having sex with some straight men that the sex is over when he gets off. And I don't accept that. I want to have an orgasm. Not right now! This is the Isaac Stern Auditorium! No, I want to have one. I'll put a chalk board over the bed. One...one.
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I urge you all today, especially today in these times of terrorism and chaos to love yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather; then by all means, use restraints.
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I would rather have a gay child. If you have a gay son, you know he's not gonna be shooting up his high school. That would get in the way of yearbook.
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Just as we pull up to this place...I notice two very large American flags...It's as if there was a need to emphasize the Americanness of this place. 'We are American' says the first flag. 'No we really are!' says the second. It struck me as enormously sad, somehow awkward and tragic.
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The Pope was so sick he couldn't even come to the window, he was so sick all he could manage is a 'BLAAARGH (vomiting)'. But even that 'blargh' was anti-gay.
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Thank God for gay men. Thank God for gay men, because if it were not for gay men, I would not talk to men at all.
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The way some of these politicians talk about homosexuality is very insulting. They treat it like it's a disease, like being gay is contagious. Being gay is not contagious. And if you think that it is, YOU'RE GAY.
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I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, if Richard Pryor had a period, he would talk about it.
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I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I'm gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker comes up and takes my place!
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One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.
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quoting her producer 'The network is concerned. They're concerned about the fullness of your face. They think you're really overweight and you're going to have to do something about it.' I didn't know what to say to that. I always thought I was decent looking; I had no idea that I was a giant face taking over America! HERE COMES THE FACE!!
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Then there is Dick Cheney, who essentially said that if Kerry is voted in as president, terrorism will hit America again. How is that? Is Cheney going to make some calls? Apparently he has the hook up.