Margaret Cho Quotes
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About Christian Groups They have no rights to call themselves 'Christians', because they have no Christianity to them; they have no kindness, no compassion, no charity. I want Jesus to come back and say: 'THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!'
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I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, 'Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?' And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?
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It is a good life, if I watch myself. Kind of like when I used to diet, but now instead of limiting calories, I will not allow negative self-talk. I cut out insults like I cut out carbs and it is hard as hell because I crave self-abuse like hot, fresh sourdough bread, but you know you have to be nice to you if you are going to live together.
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So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. 'Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!' We all got on the same cycle.
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Monogamy is so weird. Like when you know their name and stuff.
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Why am I political? Because society's consistent and constant disregard and lack of respect for minorities, even the title minority, is too much to bear silently. Their insistence at our invisibility, whether subtle as noninclusion, or as loud and violent as hate crimes, is contagious, and can make me hide from myself.
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I gave a LOT of unnecessary head. And I know that guys are going to argue with me about this. 'Oh, Margaret, there's no such thing as unnecessary head! All head is necessary! All head is wanted and needed in the world. I run a home for unnecessary head.'
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I hate Sarah Palin, I would never vote for her, I hate her politics, but I kinda wanna fuck her. I know, it's unholy, it's so wrong. I want to eat her pussy from behind. Eskimo-style. No, you know I wouldn't eat that thing. 'Cause you know it's frozen. My tongue would stick...
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I was on the floor in the emergency room, and the woman came up to me and said 'Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm here to wash your vagina!'
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The way some of these politicians talk about homosexuality is very insulting. They treat it like it's a disease, like being gay is contagious. Being gay is not contagious. And if you think that it is, YOU'RE GAY.
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The Pope was so sick he couldn't even come to the window, he was so sick all he could manage is a 'BLAAARGH (vomiting)'. But even that 'blargh' was anti-gay.
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Because I wasn't Asian enough- they decided to hire an Asian Consultant. Because I was fucking it up as an Asian. She would follow me around: 'Margaret! Use chopsticks! And when you're done eating, you can put them in your hair. Now you're wearing shoes, which is something we don't do in the house. Now I'm just going to leave this abacus right here...'
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My gay child would be a soldier, and he would change the slogan from 'Don't ask, don't tell' to 'Don't fuck with me, queen!!'
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San Francisco fucking rules. I am so proud of my home town for legalizing gay marriage, sending gays and lesbians down to the city by the Bay that was built on rock and roll to tie the knot.
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Body dysmorphia has got to go.Its similar to a disease called 'crazy eyes' not the way others look at you, but the way you see yourself. The insanity which we use as our vision....
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No matter what these terrorists do, I refuse to be terrorized. All this requires is just a few alterations in our day to day lives. For example, my first instinct when I receive an envelope full of white powder...is to snort it! I just won't do that this time!
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If you're against same sex marriage but you laugh your ass off to Will & Grace, FUCK YOU holds up middle finger. You are a hypocrite pointing, and you're not allowed to pick and choose what you like from our culture, and leave behind the burden of inequality.
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I urge you all today, especially today in these times of terrorism and chaos to love yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather; then by all means, use restraints.
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So they cancelled our show, and gave the time slot to Drew Carey, because he's so skinny.
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Just as we pull up to this place...I notice two very large American flags...It's as if there was a need to emphasize the Americanness of this place. 'We are American' says the first flag. 'No we really are!' says the second. It struck me as enormously sad, somehow awkward and tragic.
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Thank God for gay men. Thank God for gay men, because if it were not for gay men, I would not talk to men at all.
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I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I'm gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker comes up and takes my place!
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Do I look like a happy-ending to you?
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One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.