Arthur Smith Quotes
-
When synchronised swimming first appeared on TV, we laughed very heartily, and I, for one, applauded the decision to introduce humour into the Olympics.
-
Sometimes it's bad to do something you've never done before.
-
After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.
-
Someone once described me as the Zelig of comedy, and I think I know what he means.
-
A savage review is much more entertaining for the reader than an admiring one; the little misanthrope in each of us relishes the rubbishing of someone else.
-
Only the pun remains. The pun, beloved of Shakespeare, children and tabloid headline-writers, is normally eschewed in the modern, sophisticated circles in which I move.
-
About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to this?
-
Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?
-
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
-
The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.
-
Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office.
-
I've always been interested in art.
-
I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.
-
An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.
-
Occasionally I find a travel book that is both illuminating and entertaining, where vivid writing and research replace self-indulgence and sloppy prose.
-
Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.
-
I myself am pathetically impressed when I meet writers of very long novels. How can they spend so many hundreds of hours at the miserable, lonely pastime of creating fiction?
-
The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer.
-
I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.
-
The best way to prepare for a night out with a Shakespearean tragedy is to do a bit of reading up in the afternoon, eat a light supper - perhaps Welsh rarebit - and then arrive early to do some stretching exercises in the foyer before curtain-up.
-
Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.
-
The Bible has no doubt had much influence in its time, but it provides very few laughs. None, in fact.
-
It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.
-
A female friend who caught me watching Fashion TV reckons its audience is largely made up of slobbering men who are just taking a break from the appalling Men & Motors channel. I don't agree.